The Fever

14 Feb

Last summer I had a taste of Baby Fever.  I kind of wanted a baby but was 97.5% sure I was done having kids.  After all T~ was in the midst of being 3 & that is my least favorite age ever.

I made mental pros & cons lists, prayed about it, wandered through the baby aisle at Target, & held a few babies at MOPS.  Nothing seemed to swing me one way or another.

Then spent a weekend in Rural City.  Our visit ended at a friend’s house for lunch.  There were lots of people there – 6 adults & 11 kids & it was a delightful time.  It was so nice to sit around the table with my friends & chat, uninterrupted.  There was no getting up to keep a baby from climbing the stairs or hold a squirming baby who just wanted to crawl & possibly be trampled by the hoards of older kids.  There was no baby needing to eat or nap or be entertained.  It was blissful.

Summer 2010 was the first time I was able to take the kids to the park & not have to tail someone on the equipment.  T~ was old enough & smart enough to not try to jump from the highest point.  I could push her on the swing but she could also pump herself.  For the first time in 4 summers, I was able to go to a park & visit with friends without having to leave the conversation to rescue someone. Over & over & over. It was nice.  I felt kind of bad for the friends that were still chasing their 2yr olds around.

So ended Baby Fever 2010.

What I eventually realized was I really wanted a do-over.  With all the issues we were facing with E~, I felt like I had made so many poor choices with him (& the others, but mostly E~) when he was little & I wanted to go back & try again.  This time I would nurse longer than 4 days & I would not worry so much about sleep.   I would be more attentive, more patient, less stressed because this time I would know what matters & how quickly they grow up.

But I can’t go back & do it again, & if I tried that with E~, I bet I’d have to answer to a social worker fairly quickly 🙂  So a baby was the next best thing.  Child #4 would be my best effort yet!

Now it’s 2011 & I’m fighting the Fever again.  My sister’s are talking babies.  My friend J~ just had an adorable baby.  Another is pregnant.  T~ is signed up for 3days/week preschool.

Just when I can taste freedom, I no longer think I want it.

I miss the excitement you see from your baby, just because you’re there.  Or the moments when they unlatch just to give you a milky grin.  I miss watching them discover the world around them.  I even sort of miss being pregnant (the belly kicks & squirms.  I think that’s about all I miss about pregnancy).  I miss nursing.

A baby now would be very different.  J~ is not around as much, & the age gap would almost mean we’d need to have 2 more kids for our ‘second family’.  We’d need a lot less equipment; the things we thought we needed for a baby would (& did) fill a registry.  Now we’d need to replace a few key items (crib, bouncy seat, exersaucer) but could definitely get by with a lot less (& borrow most of it).  Can you tell I’ve thought some of this out?  But I’m no spring chicken & the damage inflicted by another pregnancy might be too much to recover from.  I actually have some abs & carte blanche to eat for two would almost be too enticing.  And being no spring chicken means I’ll be more tired at 30-something than I was at 20-something.  Plus more kids to herd; I’m tired just thinking about it.

I am truly happy with my 3 kids & am loving the ages they are at.  It’s nice to be able to send them out to play & not have to check on them obsessively.  It’s nice to leave E~ home for a few minutes on his own.  It’s nice to be able to have individual time with each kid because the others are old enough to not need me every minute of the day.  It’s nice to plan vacations for older kids, knowing that even the littlest will still enjoy herself.

When I write it all I out, I think I’m done.  Not ‘permanent procedure’ done but mostly done.

We’ll see what 2012* brings.


*All bets are off if the perfect storm hits: T~ goes off to Kindergarten & Charlie goes to the Big Backyard in the Sky.  Just thinking about it has me running for the Basal Thermometer.


3 Responses to “The Fever”

  1. Your Hubby February 14, 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    Good to include me on the discussion too. BTW: I like when your pregnant too!

    • Kristi February 15, 2011 at 9:32 am #

      Awwww, that is so sweet.

  2. Jill February 15, 2011 at 6:24 am #

    You two are so cute! 🙂 At least you don’t have the Bieber fever! Good luck searching out your future! You are great parents! I will say, I’m not sure it’s any easier being older and “wiser.”. However, they are just as lovable and miraculous as ever, that is for sure. And we think she is adorable, too 😉 thanks!

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