Mind Over Matter

19 Jun

A few years ago I read a book review of Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking. The book was about the irrational thoughts she had during the first year after her husband’s death.  At least that’s what I think it was about, I’ve never actually read the book.

Why would I bring this up?  Well, the one thing I remember from the review was the story where she cannot give away her husbands shoes, because he would need them when he returned.  “Magical Thinking” – if you hope for it long enough & avoid certain things, you can change what’s happening.

I feel the same way about some aspects of moving – if I hope long enough & avoid some of the ‘getting settled’ business, I won’t really live here.

The changes I struggle with the most are church, my cell phone number, & my drivers license.

We were unhappy in our Rural City church & yet, we are reluctant to join the one we’ve been attending.  The people are nice enough.  We enjoy the style of worship.  They have a lot to offer our family.  But taking our names off the rolls at our Rural City church is just too permanent.

I’d love a new phone & the area code of Rural City is only one number off from the area code of Metropolis making for much confusion.  But if I change the number, it makes me the same as everyone here & different from everyone there.

Even though I sleep each night in my bed in my new house on my new street in my new city in my new state, my drivers license says I live in Rural City.

Changing each of those things is just one more sign that I no longer live there, but that I now live here.

Magical Thinking – Moving Style.

I wish I could feel the purpose for the move.  I wish I could feel like this is where we’re meant to be.

I wish I could press the Undo button.

But I can’t.  So instead, I’ll just hold onto my drivers license & wish away.

I hope someday I’ll adjust to living here, & I’ll eventually change my license.

It won’t be any time soon though.  This humidity is not kind to my hair…

K~

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5 Responses to “Mind Over Matter”

  1. nicole June 19, 2009 at 4:02 am #

    I hear you. We have lived here over 7 months and I just got my plates and lic. changed over last month. I would still have my IL plates if a cop didn’t pull me over and warn me to get them changed. It wasn’t near as hard as I thought it would be!

  2. Julie S June 19, 2009 at 8:48 pm #

    I understand – call me anytime to vent.

  3. Julia June 19, 2009 at 9:35 pm #

    Over there which is here to me, we miss you all very much. The oldest came home from camp today, I of course cannot use names due to the cyberstalkers who are part of our daily lives now…she wants to be baptized! Oh yeah! So maybe we can give you one more reason to come back here which is really there to you…! Love you all..

  4. Tonya June 19, 2009 at 10:08 pm #

    It may take awhile but you will get used to living there. We have been here 6 years and it has only started to feel like home for about a year. It takes time be patient. You’ll find your groove there!

  5. Elaine June 24, 2009 at 6:37 am #

    I think I waited about 6 months before I changed my license. I got a new cell phone right away, but that is because we decided not to have a home phone. I understand the whole magical thinking thing. I think that is why the one year anniversary (and pretty much ever since then) of our move has been very hard for me — at first I could just kind of pretend it was a vacation, a temporary thing. But now? It has really sunk it. This is it. We are here. And with the economy the way it is? Chances of my pie in the sky fantasy of only being here for a couple of years as a resume builder and then going back home are pretty much shot. As long as the husband has a job here, we are stuck. Even if he loses his job here, we are probably still stuck, what with the housing markets what they are.

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