What If?

3 Feb

The last 4 weeks I’ve been going to a Beth Moore study on the book of Esther.  My original hope was that it would be an opportunity to spend a few hours with some friends & oh yeah, God’s word.  Instead, I’m upset at the thought of missing the study part of the evening versus the visiting part of the evening.

We’re just finishing up Chapter 4, where Esther is asked by Mordecai to save her people.  Esther is reluctant for many reasons but eventually decides she will go before King Xerxes & plead for her people.  Last night we were talking about fear.  Esther’s fear, as a lot of our fears, was a What If.  For Esther it was What If I die?   Beth Moore then said something that struck me – The IF in What If stands for I Fear.

I try really hard to not play the What If game but sometimes it’s really hard to beat them back.

What If my house doesn’t sell?

What If we move in April?  Do I send G~ to preschool or wait it out?

What If J~’s prolonged absence causes yet another setback in T~’s attachment?

What If, What If, What If?  All of these things I Fear.  I Fear being stuck here with the kids.  I Fear J~ being lonely in Metropolis.  I Fear G~’s transition to a new school; he can be so sensitive & timid at times.  I Fear the uptick in our ongoing struggles with T~’s attachment.  I Fear making new friends & trying to establish a new life.  I Fear, I Fear, I Fear.

But the answer to the What If is always God.  He will take care of all the things I worry about.  It won’t be my plan or in my time, but He will provide.  Who Knows if the struggles we now face are preparing us for something  greater?  God Knows & I’m finding amazing comfort & strength in that.

I’m also trying to have a different mind set.  I don’t want to do this.  I don’t want to be a single parent but it is what I’m doing.  So I will either do what’s been asked of me with courage & a joyful heart or I will do it with bitterness & resentment.  I tried it the bitter way for a few weeks & it wasn’t working so well.  Now I’m doing it the other way & surprise!  Things are looking up.

Our friends have a big What If facing them.  If you would, please stop by Julie’s blog & leave them a word of encouragement & support?  Please also pray for them; that their way forward is clear & that they have the confidence in the decisions they must make.

K~

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2 Responses to “What If?”

  1. Christine February 3, 2009 at 11:05 am #

    I was so sad I had to miss this week because Owen was sick. K brought over the video for me today so I can watch it while I rock the sick little guy. I’ve gotten half through it so far. It is amazing how drastic you can change your own thinking of a situation and make it so much better! I’m glad you are finding some relief from the stress 🙂

  2. Elaine February 4, 2009 at 10:45 am #

    I have found such great and lasting comfort from Esther 4:14
    “Who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
    Esther’s mission in life was obviously much different than mine, but those words have helped me tremendously as I’ve struggled with being a stay-at-home mom. Actually, I don’t really struggle with it any more becuase of that single scripture. It has helped me to realize that some of the most difficult parts of my life may actually be part of my mission here.

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