Purge (Emotional)

27 Apr

Where to start? As a recaplet, Vietnam adoptions will close 9.1.08 because of corruption. The report outlining the corruption can be found here. An AP article that discusses the problem can be found here. What this means for us is a lot of emotional questions about the integrity of T~’s adoption.

This section of the report brought me to tears.

In other cases, individuals report finding children in a field or by the side of the road. Often the individual who purportedly found the child (child finder) is a police officer, a village official or a member of their immediate family. These individuals are often related to the orphanage director or the local official who approves adoptions. Embassy investigations have shown that many of these reports are fraudulent.

It upset me because T~ was found by a policeman in a province known for corruption.

I want with all my heart to trust that her documents are true & that the man who found her wasn’t paid, didn’t know she would be there, & was just doing his rounds when he heard her cry. I want with all my heart to believe that they tried their best to locate her birth parents. I want to believe that no promises were made to her birth mother that if she gave up her child she would receive money or a debt would be forgiven. I want to believe that her birth parents, for a very good reason, placed her on that spot so she would have a chance for a better life. I used to believe that, but there was always a little nagging doubt. Now that nagging doubt is like a bunch of alarm bells.

Chances are, we will never know the truth & we can look at it in a lot of ways. We can assume the story on her papers is true because she was issued a Visa & allowed to come to the US. If the Embassy had found irregularities, an investigation would have ensued & months later, her story would have checked out or if it was found to be fraudulent, we would be living in Hanoi for 2 years while we wait for her Visa to be approved through a different process. We could say that God’s plan for her life is to be with us. She’s meant to be our daughter & how she came to be our daughter is all part of His Divine plan.

Or I can obsess over the possibility that we might have been complicit in something as awful as baby-buying. We will never really know.

Vietnam is a different culture. In the US we trust our authorities. Americans are outraged when we hear of bribes & corrupt behaviour. In Vietnam, that’s the way things get done. It’s not right, but it is what it is.

I am having a hard time reconciling my heart & my head. My heart knows without a doubt that T~ is my daughter. She was meant to be my daughter & we were meant to be a family. That has to be true.

My head is full of What If’s & How Can We Know For Sure’s.

I believe we made the best decisions we could with the information available at the time. I wish that felt like enough.



5 Responses to “Purge (Emotional)”

  1. JennyB. April 27, 2008 at 5:11 pm #

    I wish that I could give you a great big hug right now. I understand your worries. You absolutely made the best decisions you could with the information available at the time. It’s okay. T~ is your daughter. And she is in the place that God meant for her to be. Hugs to you!

  2. Tracy April 27, 2008 at 5:33 pm #

    Our daughter was found by a policeman in the same province as T~. I just don’t know how to wrap my head around all of this. I have tried a birthparent search and have so far been unsuccessful. I am trying to reconcile these feelings too, and trying to figure out what we will tell her later. I wish I had the answers…

  3. Sherri April 27, 2008 at 7:27 pm #

    God always has a plan and obviously T~’s entry into your family was part of that plan. Cling to that and try to let go of your fears. You may never know what happened but rest in the knowledge that God is in control of all.

  4. Lori April 28, 2008 at 9:44 am #

    Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers for us in the process right now. I know it can’t be easy for you either. I do know I trust our agency and the US Embassy did pass your I-600 which like you said could have been an investigation. I know it’s not easy for you with all these questions. I’ll keep praying for us all.

  5. mrs.b April 29, 2008 at 12:47 pm #

    I have so many of the feelings you are having. This has all cast a long shadow and I am experiencing so many feelings right now..feelings of guilt, because we got to bring our baby home and so many families will not have the opportunituy to do so. Along with all the other nagging questions and reports …what do we tell our daughters one day ? i cant even get my brain around it all right now.

    Take care,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: