Musings on a Birthday

1 Dec

It hit me today that I have been dreading December. Not for the busyness that always happens but because it is the month of T~’s birthday. Bear with me as I try to explain why I dread her birthday. We have made Dec. 6th her birthday because on that date, we know for sure that she existed. On Dec. 6, 2006, T~ was found by a policeman in the village of Bao Thanh & taken to the police station. The next day she was transferred to a small orphanage in Viet Tri & began her life as an orphan.

My struggle is with not knowing the day she entered into this world. When she was found, she was estimated to be 3-5 days old. So starting today, she could have been born. I’m so sad about not being able to provide such an important detail for my daughter. As I was feeding her today I was overwhelmed by the sadness of not knowing if a year ago today, her birth mother fed her too. A year ago today, was she taking her first breath or was she still safe & warm, tucked inside her birth mother?

Maybe I’m making too much of knowing the actual date. I know my birthday & I can’t imagine how it would feel to not know. Maybe it won’t matter to T~. Maybe she’ll be fine with celebrating her birth on Dec.6. Maybe I’m being selfish because it’s not enough for me. As a mom, I’d like to think I know everything about my kids & to not have such an important piece of her history is difficult.

It’s weird but I don’t mind the 3.5 months that she lived as an orphan in a city half way around the world. I know she was loved & cared for. It’d be nice to know more of what she was like then, but those months don’t bother me nearly as much as the 3-5 days.

In T~’s life, Dec. 6 is a very important date. It was the day her birth parents cared enough for her to dress her warmly & put her in a place where she would be found. It was the day she began her journey to our family. It also fits perfectly with the boys birth dates. Each of our children was born on a Wed. Each of our kids are 3 years & 3 weeks older than the next. We couldn’t have planned it any better than that. For those reasons we will celebrate T~’s birthday on Dec. 6 & I will try very hard to ignore the asterisk in my head every time I say her birth date.

K~

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